


After The War

by Writinginstardust



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Dancing, Dorian is scared of getting hurt, Dorian is smitten, Emotional Conversations, F/M, Holding Hands, Post-Canon, Reading, She knows, Slow Burn, Yrene knows, accidental sleepy cuddles, arguing with your best friend because quite frankly you're being an idiot, flirting when you told yourself you shouldn't, hyper-fixating on holding hands, official business™, they're both oblivious/in denial, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-09-16 00:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16943586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writinginstardust/pseuds/Writinginstardust
Summary: A year after the war finally ended both Adarlan and Terrasen are about ready to get back to normal, Aelin sends her close friend to visit Dorian and do business on behalf of the Kingdom. She never expected to find love in a foreign kingdom but a handsome king may just change her mind...





	1. Coming Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long awaited return, meeting an old hopeless crush, and the nerves which come with it

War was hard but at least it was over now, the world was rebuilding, and everyone had picked up most of the broken pieces of ruined lives. We’d celebrated, we’d mourned, we’d learned to live with the memories that would haunt us to our dying breaths, and now it was time to return the world to some sort of normal. And so it was that I found myself spending 2 weeks riding south to Rifthold, the city I’d called home for years after the fall of Terrasen. The city I’d not seen since it’s sacking by the witches. It was a strange feeling to be going back.

There was much to do during my stay, trade agreements and routes to negotiate, restitutions to be discussed, aid for other kingdoms, help for families displaced from Terrasen and during the war, alliances to form and friendships to rekindle on behalf of my Kingdom, and so much more. So much responsibility was placed on my shoulders and I’d never been so scared of failure. I was thankful I wasn’t in this alone. Nox and Ren were accompanying me and we’d brought along Evangeline too, but it was I who was charged with leading the talks on behalf of Terrasen, I who had to make the decisions. Curse Aelin and her unshakable belief in me. I might have spent my childhood at court, a noble cousin never destined for a title, but that didn’t mean I knew the first thing about conducting business with foreign leaders. I’d do it though, and I wouldn’t complain. When your friend and Queen asks you to do something for her, you kind of have to.

2 weeks travelling took its toll and the sight of the city on the horizon in the fading light felt like a blessing, a wonderful reprieve from the endless countryside. It promised a warm hearth a comfortable bed, and clean clothes - things we’d been lacking most of our time on the road. Even the memory of the life I’d been forced to live under a valg-infested tyrant couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as we approached and the dirt track changed to cobbled streets beneath us.

We reached the castle, still somewhat wrecked, not long after sunset and were greeted at the gates by Chaol, who led us inside while a small team of servants attended to our horses and minimal belongings.

“The Ki-sorry, Dorian, no real need to be so formal with you, is a bit tied up at the moment, meetings with the Lords here tend to go on forever.” Even with his back to me as he walked beside Ren in front, I could tell he was rolling his eyes. Clearly Terrasen wasn’t the only Kingdom with temperamental Lords. “I imagine you’re all tired and could use a good night’s rest so since it’s late I’ll show you to your rooms and we can do proper introductions tomorrow.”

“That sounds excellent, will I be getting the same room as last time or do I get something nicer now I’m an honoured guest?” Nox grinned mischievously beside me. “And how come you’re stuck showing us around anyway? Don’t you have more important things to do?”

“Nox, please shut up,” I hissed under my breath though I was struggling not to smile at his questioning. There wasn’t much point though as Chaol himself was smiling when he turned his head to address Nox.

“No, I’m fairly certain your former room has no ceiling anymore, probably no floor either, I haven’t checked but you’re welcome to sleep there if you’d prefer.” He laughed as Nox seemed to consider it. “We’re a bit pressed for space now without most of the glass castle and with all the people here or coming soon, so you and Ren will be sharing a suite and (Y/N) will be with Evangeline if that’s okay?”

“That’s no problem, we’ve still got a similar problem in Orynth at times and we’ve all dealt with much worse sleeping arrangements.” Ren smiled, unfazed.

“And to answer your other questions, Nox, Dorian thought it would be nicer if someone you knew came to welcome you, and though I do have things to do, this is far preferable I can assure you.” He stopped in front of a large door. “Ren, Nox, this is you. Someone will bring your things by shortly and if there’s anything you need just let a servant know. Have a good night and I’ll see you at breakfast.” They nodded to each other before Chaol continued to lead Evangeline and I through the castle, making easy conversation until we arrived at our rooms.

“And this is you. Don’t tell those two but you have the nicer room.”

“To what do we owe that privilege?” I asked.

“Special request by Dorian and Aelin. You’re the official representative of Terrasen so you get special treatment apparently,” he grinned down at Evangeline, “and you’re under her guardianship so you get to enjoy it all too.”

I looked down to see Evangeline positively bouncing with glee, she was going to struggle not gloat to the boys, that was for sure.

“That wasn’t necessary but we’re certainly not going to complain. Would you pass our thanks on to Dorian?”

“Of course. Now I’ll leave you to rest, you’ve got a couple of maids so if you need food or would like a bath drawn or anything else they’ll be happy to help. Sleep well and I’ll see you both in the morning.”

“Thank you. Good night Chaol.” I smiled tiredly at him, the journey and late hour finally catching up to me, as I held the door open for Evangeline who offered Chaol a quick ‘good night’ before darting inside. He returned the smile and turned to leave as I entered behind the young girl and closed the door, more than ready for a good night’s sleep in a proper bed. Tomorrow the tough part would begin, I was definitely going to need the rest.

 

When the early morning sun hit my eyelids and drew me out of slumber I had only one thought:  _I never want to leave this bed._  Gods, since when were beds this comfortable? It was so soft and warm I honestly contemplated living out the rest of my days there, but I had a job to do, an important one. I also had a King to meet and it was probably best not to be late to that.

With a groan I dragged my uncooperative body out of its haven and shuffled over to Evangeline’s bed to wake the young girl. She whined and tried to shove me away, wiggling down to hide under the covers. I couldn’t help the fond smile I felt spread across my face, she may be sweet as an angel most of the time but she was just as grumpy as me in the morning. We’d all found that out the hard way on our journey here.

“Alright you, you can sleep a bit longer,” I sighed to myself. Weak, I was weak to this girl. “I’m going to bathe but when I get back you had better be up or I will drag you out of that bed.”

She grumbled something which sounded enough like acceptance that I let the matter drop and headed to the bathroom.

To my surprise I ran into a maid on the threshold and saw beyond her a steaming bath. It seemed I’d got up just in time to avoid a wake up call.

“Ah, miss (Y/N), brilliant timing, I’ve just finished heating a bath for you. Do you need any assistance or shall I go and wake miss Evangeline?”

“I’m alright myself, let Evangeline sleep a little longer though, I promised her she could stay there until I was done.”

“Of course, miss.” She smiled kindly at me before leaving me alone in the bathroom. I quickly stripped off and relaxed into the hot water, letting it wash away what remained of the dirt and sore muscles from yesterday as I’d not had the energy to do so before sleeping.

With hair and body scrubbed clean and water losing its heat, I finally emerged from the bath and dried myself before attempting to get Evangeline out of bed again.

Just under an hour later we were being practically dragged out the door by our maids and shepherded through the castle to a small dining room. Ren and Nox were already seated and chatting with Chaol, Dorian, Yrene, and a young man I didn’t recognise. They all looked up as we entered and Chaol gestured for us to fill the remaining seats - one between Ren and Yrene and one beside Dorian.

Evangeline immediately ran to Yrene and hugged her, having taken a shine to her while helping with the wounded a year ago, before sliding into the seat beside her and starting up a conversation. That left me to sit beside the King. The very, very attractive Ki- those were not thoughts I should be having right now, possibly ever. I commanded my nerves to calm down as I walked over and took my seat, Dorian offering a friendly smile and good morning. As if awaiting that cue, servants hurried in with an array of breakfast foods which made my mouth water.  

“Did you all sleep well? Sorry again that you have to share but we lost most of our guest rooms when I…destroyed half the castle.” Dorian had a slightly sheepish yet still proud smile on his face, one that was far too cute to be allowed, and I had to turn my focus to my food so I wouldn’t end up staring.

“I can’t speak for the others but that was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a loooong time.” Nox said before shovelling more food into his mouth.

“That bed is so comfy,” Evangeline added, “I almost didn’t get out of it.”

“Honestly I’m surprised (Y/N) managed to convince you to, you’ve certainly never been cooperative when I’ve tried.” Ren poked her side with a grin and she collapsed into a fit of giggles.

“Oh trust me, it was no easy task. I barely even managed to get myself up.”

“We’ll I’m glad you did, it’s nice to finally meet you when you’re actually awake.” Dorian smirked beside me and I shot him a questioning look. “I met you briefly a few times looking for Chaol and Yrene when you were recovering after the battle. I thought you might not remember, you were rather out of it.”

“Ah, I don’t really remember anything before Aelin’s coronation, even that’s pretty hazy though. I don’t know what you had me on, Yrene, but it was powerful stuff.”

“An unfortunate necessity. It’s good to see you well again though, and if the leg is still giving you trouble come find me and I’ll see what I can do, I’ve had a few ideas.” I smiled gratefully at the woman who had done so much for me, who had saved my life only a year ago, who was still offering more help. The world was lucky to have people like her in it.

The conversation quickly fell back to lighter subjects, no one particularly enjoyed talking about the war and the aftermath if they could help it, and before I knew it breakfast was cleared away and we were all headed our separate ways for a few hours to get ready for a long meeting with Adarlan’s Lords and advisors. The first of many and arguably one of the most important. These were the people I was going to spend weeks in discussions with, the people I had to negotiate with, I needed them to at least not despise me.

“Relax,” Ren’s voice reached me from where he was sprawled on a couch across the room from where I was pacing, “you’re going to do great. A load of stuffy old Lords is nothing to worry over.”

“He’s right, this’ll be easy, especially for you. You have a knack for getting people to like you without even trying and you’ve got this…presence. I don’t know how to describe it really but you just seem to belong among important people. We could all see it in the war camps and we can all see it at court now.” Nox smiled reassuringly at me from his own couch. “This’ll be a walk in the park but we’ll all be there with you too, you’re not doing this alone yet.”

“I hope you’re right.” A light knock came from the door and a guard poked his head inside.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’m here to escort you to your meeting.” It was time then. I just hoped I wouldn’t forget any of their names.

 

As it so happened, I really needn’t have worried. A number of the Lords were new to the job, their fathers and predecessors either having sided with Erawan or been killed. They were young, welcoming, and eager to be better than those who came before them. It was easy to win them over, even distracted as I was by the feeling of eyes lingering on me for most of the meeting. Of course there were a few of the old Lords left standing and they, along with Dorian’s older advisors, were harder to get along with, somewhat distrustful and less open. Still, it was clear by the time our meeting was over that they’d warmed to us at least a little. I’d accept that small victory.

“What did I say?” Nox grinned at me as we walked back to our rooms. “You’re a natural at this.”

“It did go better than I expected,” I admitted, a pleased smile working its way onto my face.

“Better than expected? You were brilliant, (Y/N), Aelin definitely made the right choice putting you in charge. I’d bet you’ll have them all wrapped around your little finger by the end of the week,” Ren winked at me before pulling a face as another thought occurred. “Well, maybe not Chaol’s father or that old bastard from Meah, but definitely the rest of them.”

“I’ll take that as a challenge then,” I laughed at the thought.

“She could definitely do it,” Evangeline piped up as she squeezed her way between us, “she’s already got Dorian, how hard can a bunch of Lords be?”

“I’ve  _what_  now?” I stopped walking and Nox crashed into me from behind.

“What? You didn’t notice the way he was looking at you all through that meeting? How he agreed with and supported literally everything you said?” He looked at me in disbelief.

“Not really, no.” I thought for a moment, trying to slow my racing heart and think rationally. We just had similar ideas, it didn’t mean anything more. That was good. It shouldn’t-couldn’t-be more. “Well, if he seems to be in agreement on most of the things we want to get done, that will make my job a lot easier.”

They all shared a look which I chose to ignore. There was every chance I could be oblivious to something but I was sure I wasn’t here, we barely even knew each other. It wouldn’t matter in any case. Nothing could happen. I had a job to do and he ruled a foreign kingdom, there was no good way for something between us to end.

* * *

_Dear Aelin,_

_This plan of ours may just work after all. They’ve only been here a day and Dorian is already clearly infatuated. We found a way to force them to sit together at breakfast and I swear it was like they were meant to be. It took maybe five minutes and they already looked like they’d been friends for years. I say friends…more like the kind of friends who have known each other forever and are clearly in love but too oblivious or scared to do anything about it. I sense this has the potential to become some new kind of torture for the rest of us. Anyway she doesn’t remember a single thing that happened between the battle and your coronation, doesn’t remember gushing about Dorian after the first time him and Chaol came to see me, certainly doesn’t remember the time she told him he was pretty. Dorian does though and I’m fairly sure he’s way too pleased about it still._

_They met with all the Lords earlier and Chaol told me Dorian could hardly keep his eyes off of her, wouldn’t disagree with anything she said either. He’s not sure he was entirely aware of that but everyone else in the room was._

_(Y/N) is doing great by the way. She really is a natural at this from what I’ve heard and she’s fitting in perfectly here, they all are. It really will be a shame when they have to leave but I’m still holding out hope that we’ll be able to steal (Y/N) from you for good. I may be getting ahead of myself, they still need to get to know each other better, but we were definitely right about their initial mutual attraction._

_Hope all is well with you up there, I expect a visit soon. Send my love to everyone and Chaol and Josefin say hi. Well Josefin doesn’t, but she would if she could._

_Love,_

_Yrene_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing is gonna be long.


	2. A Fear of Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When your friend knows you better than you do yourself, hiding a blossoming crush on a girl who'd never remembered meeting you isn't going to work.

Dinner was a quiet affair, as Dorian had preferred to keep it since returning home last spring, just him, Chaol, Yrene, Hollin, and their visitors from Terrasen. They were more like family than visiting dignitaries and he wanted to treat them as such. He knew many of his advisors and the other Lords would have liked to join them, that it was more proper that way, but he’d decided a while ago that he didn’t much care for a lot of what was considered ‘proper’ anymore. Including falling for a member of another court apparently. One who thought he was ‘pretty’ even if she didn’t remember telling him that.

Gods, she’d only been here a day. A day! And he was already in deeper than he should be. It was hard not to be infatuated though, he was pretty sure half the younger Lords were as well and they’d known her for even less time than he had. Honestly he was beginning to wonder what was going on in the Terrasen bloodlines, it seemed like everyone he knew from the kingdom was stronger, smarter, and more loyal than anyone else he’d met and (Y/N) was no exception. She’d proved that in their meeting today just as she’d proved it defending her home against the might of Morath. She was just as smart, just as brave, just as determined, just as committed to her people as Aelin, as quick-witted too but had a much more calm and sweet disposition than her Queen. Less likely to set you on fire too, though from what he’d heard from the others she might very well try if you pushed her too far.

Currently she was giggling beside him at something Evangeline had just said and Dorian didn’t think he’d ever heard a more beautiful sound. He really needed not to think about her like that. This needed to be professional…well…friendly at least. They could be friends. In fact he thought he’d be more than happy with that, the feelings he thought he had may not even be that serious and he wouldn’t want to risk ruining anything between himself and all his friends in Terrasen by hurting her. But that would have to involve her feeling something for him too he supposed. He doubted that was the case. In any case, no flirting.

“So you really did threaten to kick Darrow’s ass if he didn’t let you fight?” Dorian was broken out of his thoughts at the question Chaol asked her, surprise etched on his face. He’d met the old Lord and he didn’t seem like the kind of person who’d take kindly to that sort of thing.

“Certainly did, I would have done it too. He seemed to be under the impression that me being a noble girl meant my place wasn’t on the battlefield. Clearly he forgot who I grew up around and where I spent the last ten years.” (Y/N) grinned and it was clear she’d have taken great pleasure in showing up the old Lord. Dorian thought he’d probably enjoy watching that almost as much.

“I think I’d have liked to see that,” Nox voiced his own thoughts, murmurs of agreement coming from around the table.

“I think a lot of people would have,” Ren agreed, an amused smile on his face, “he’s not so bad anymore though so I don’t think we can come up with a good excuse for it. Shame.” He shrugged and turned back to his dinner.

“If you want to fight a backwards bastard of a Lord, you’re more than welcome to take a shot at my father while you’re here,” Chaol offered, and wasn’t that a delightful thought?

“As tempting as that sounds from what I know of him, I think that would be a bit counter-productive to why I’m here. Maybe after all our business is done I’ll take you up on that.”

“I hope you do,” Dorian finally rejoined the conversation. “If you want to get in a bit of practice first though, you’re welcome to test your skills on someone who’s a bit of a challenge.” He punctuated the offer with a wink. So much for no flirting.

“If you’ve got someone who will be then I’d be happy to.” She looked him dead in the eyes, an eyebrow cocked, as she replied, the teasing clear.

“We’ll have to see about that but I’m sure I’ll suffice for now.” She looked him over as if assessing and his skin was set aflame wherever her eyes roamed. He decided that when his time to die came he’d happily be burned alive by that gaze.

“We’ll see.” She smirked and turned her attention back to the others. Dorian let his eyes linger on her for a while, only half paying attention to the conversation around him. He’d told himself he wouldn’t pursue anything with her but that didn’t mean he couldn’t admire her. He’d never been one to deny himself life’s simpler pleasures and he wasn’t going to deny himself this.

It was late by the time they vacated the dining room, their conversations stretching on as they all got to know each other better and entertained each other with stories of the mutual friends in the years before they’d met. (Y/N) in particular had some rather amusing tales to tell about Aelin which Dorian was definitely going to have to ask the Queen about when he finally saw her again. Still smiling about one such story, he and Chaol headed to his office, their work not quite over for the day though neither wanted to do anything but sleep.

“You and (Y/N) really seem to have hit it off, I see.” There was an edge of something teasing in Chaol’s voice as he slid a sidelong glance at Dorian.

“I suppose so,” he shrugged in an attempt to seem indifferent, he was not going to admit how much he already liked her to anyone, not even his best friend. There seemed no need anyway, nothing would come of it and they needed to focus on getting through all their negotiations. “She seems to have made a good impression on just about everyone.” He felt more than saw Chaol rolling his eyes in response.

“I think she’s made more than just a good impression on you.”

“Well I definitely like her already if that’s what you’re getting at. She’s smart and brave and kind and I’d like to get to know her better.” He realised he was probably getting a bit too close to making his feelings known. “Besides,” he added in an attempt to dispel that line of thinking from Chaol, “we’ve got to work together for a while and she’s a friend of Aelin’s, it’s only right that I make her feel welcome here.” The excuse wasn’t likely to work for long and Chaol’s face told him that when he looked over, but it was enough to get the subject dropped for the time being.

Dropped for almost a week it turned out. Dorian was surprised it took that long for it to be brought up again though, considering how obvious he felt he was being. He really had tried not to show it but it got harder every day as he spent countless hours in her company, both during meetings and in their spare time. He couldn’t help it really, he was falling further and further with every new thing he uncovered about her and jumping at every opportunity to spend more time together, unbothered by the knowing glances thrown at him by everyone each time he did.

She was truly a wonder to him and the feelings he’d thought could be nothing were growing stronger with each passing moment, blossoming into something beautiful and deadly that he was starting to believe had the power to end him. Her laugh made his heart stutter, her smile made it stop, the light kiss she pressed to his cheek that one time made it beat a thousand times a minute. And gods…the way she practically glowed in the early evening light, as she was then, took his breath away.

They were strolling through the gardens after a particularly arduous meeting with the Lords and advisors about restitutions for all the previous King had done to Terresan and it’s people. It was to be the first of many and it hadn’t gotten off to the best of starts even with Dorian and (Y/N) already in agreement. Many of them were less than pleased with the amount suggested for the Kingdom to give especially with the state Adarlan was still in. In all honesty Dorian felt they should do far more to make up for everything but Aelin refused to let him pay for the sins of his father any more than necessary.

“They’ll come around I’m sure. They’re reasonable people…for the most part, they’ll see this deal is more than fair.”

“I hope so.” She sighed, stopping in her tracks and gazing off into the distance at the setting sun. “Sooner rather than later would be good, they’re exhausting.”

Dorian chuckled at her honesty but had to agree, he almost missed the days when they were all too busy with war to do this kind of stuff. Almost.

“That, they are. You get used to it after a while though.” He smiled down at her. “A tip from someone who’s been doing this half their life; stop listening after about a minute, they just repeat everything in new ways after that. Use the rest of your time to figure out what will make them compromise and stop whining. You don’t have to actually go through with it but they need to feel like they’ve won something.” A small smile lit up her features and Dorian couldn’t bring himself to look away even with what he knew was a beautiful sunset before them.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time…Gods there’s going to be a next time.”

“Unfortunately yes. You did well today though, Lord Westfall didn’t complain nearly as much as I expected. I think what you said actually got through to him somehow.”

“I suppose it must have, no idea why though.”

“Maybe he’s just finally succumbing to your charm. A pretty face can convince most men to do things they otherwise wouldn’t, especially when there’s a sharp mind wielding it.” He winked and was most pleased to see a light blush spreading across her cheeks at the compliment.

“Somehow I doubt that but I’ve got no better ideas…” She continued to stare into the distance, clearly deep in thought, and Dorian simply stood beside her, enjoying the silence and unwilling to interrupt whatever was going on in her head.

“Dorian!” Said man whipped his head around at the sound of his name and spotted Chaol walking towards them, an apologetic, yet still somehow smug, smile on his face. The yell also snapped (Y/N) back to reality and she turned around in surprise.

“Hi Chaol!” She called over and waved as he made his way closer. He nodded and briefly turned his smile to her before addressing Dorian once more.

“There’s a…situation with some of the Lords that requires your attention. It shouldn’t take long but I think you need to deal with this now.” He was admittedly confused at how vague Chaol was being but shrugged it off. He groaned and looked skywards as if praying for something to save him from what awaited. Dragging a hand down his face, he brought his gaze back down, hoping his exasperation was clear. A badly suppressed laugh sounded beside him and it was the first time he’d heard it and not wanted to join in.

“Alright,” he sighed. “Sorry (Y/N), duty calls. I’ll see you at dinner.” He looked over regretfully and found her smirking, clearly amused at his predicament.

“I guess I’ll see you later then. Have fun.”

He turned away and followed Chaol back inside, missing the longing gaze trained on him until he was out of sight.

“What’s this about then?” Dorian asked as the two men entered the castle.

“Nothing serious,” Chaol quickly reassured. “It’s about (Y/N) though so I thought you might want to personally handle it.” The explanation did little to clear things up, in fact it left Dorian with even more questions than before.

“What about her? I thought they were all getting along? Please don’t tell me they’ve decided to act like children because they’re not happy about the restitutions?” He would absolutely not hesitate to treat them as such if they were acting that way. He prayed he wouldn’t have to though.

“On the contrary, they seem to be getting on a little too well.” That stopped Dorian in his tracks. It was definitely not what he had expected.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, some of them are thinking about her as more than just a foreign emissary…they’re thinking about courting her and right now arguing over who gets to try first.”

Dorian felt all the colour drain from his face, his world being turned upside down at Chaol’s revelation. Admittedly it came as no great surprise to him, he’d noticed the way some of them had acted around her since they met, had overheard them talking about her more than a few times, he understood why they might feel something for her given he himself did. The thought of (Y/N) with any of them didn’t sit right with him but there was no way he was going to admit that. He had no right to decide that for her anyway.

“Why do you think  _I_  need to deal with it? Their love lives are none of my business. As long as it doesn’t affect our relationship with Terrasen, they can do whatever they like.” He didn’t mean a single word, didn’t want to deal with the pain seeing her with one of  _his_  Lords, but he’d decided it was a bad idea to pursue her himself so really had no good reason to stop it. Besides, he’d be a terrible friend if he stood in the way of her potential happiness.

“I think  _you_  need to deal with it because I know you’ve fallen for her.” It was obvious Chaol was growing tired of his refusal to acknowledge his feelings as an undercurrent of anger crept into his voice. Dorian fixed him with a stern look which his friend had unfortunately grown impervious to and ignored. “Did you really think I was going to believe that line about making her feel welcome for Aelin?  _Really_? Dorian, we’ve been best friends for years, I know you and I know when you’re hiding something. How could you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Chaol…” there was a slight warning in his tone which again went ignored by his friend. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Chaol to know, but saying it out loud made it real and he didn’t really feel like dealing with that. Not when it would only lead to more pain.

“And you’re not exactly being subtle about it. I don’t think there’s a soul who knows you that can’t tell…except (Y/N), somehow she’s completely oblivious to how you feel.” He sighed and Dorian wasn’t entirely sure if it was directed at him or at the girl in question. “Just…why haven’t you done anything about it yet? You’ve always gone out and got what you wanted, why is this any different? I know she’s what you want so what’s stopping you?”

Dorian snapped.

“I’ve known her a week Chaol! A week! Fine, I’ll admit I’ve developed feelings for her but this is way too soon to start anything serious and I’m not going to risk anything casual and temporary that might mean one of us gets hurt! I can’t do that to her and I can’t do that to myself. Not again.” He deflated slightly, calming himself before continuing. “There’s too much to consider and too many risks with us getting involved. I refuse to let my own feelings become a problem when we already have so much to deal with.”

“Dorian…” Chaol’s voice was noticeably softer but still stern, demanding he pay attention. “Your happiness doesn’t come second to everything. Yes, you have responsibilities to your people and allies as King but you’re allowed to take a chance at your own happiness, it won’t destroy everything if it goes wrong and it won’t affect our relationship with Terrasen.”

“It’s still only been a week Chaol.”

“Maybe so but you already know you feel something so why not take a chance?”

Dorian didn’t have a good answer ready, at least not one he wanted to voice, so he elected to remain silent at Chaol’s question. His friend could read him like no one else could though and saw just what he wanted to keep hidden.

“You need to figure out what’s going to be harder to live with; taking a chance and things not going well, or maybe missing out on something amazing. I’ll tell the Lords it’s inappropriate to pursue anything while we’re in negotiations, it will give you some time to figure it out, but you can’t have forever. She won’t wait forever. Decide. Are you going to let your fear rule you or are you going to rule your fear?”

With that strangely poignant question, Chaol clapped him on the shoulder and walked away, leaving him alone with his thoughts. In the end it all came down to one question: How much was he willing to risk for a shot at happiness?

* * *

_Dear Aelin,_

_Everything is going incredibly well. We’ve hit a small snag with the restitutions but Dorian seems to think the Lords will agree sooner or later, we just have to give them some time. Honestly these Lords can be almost as temperamental as ours sometimes, I still can’t decide if I’d rather deal with Darrow or Chaol’s father, it’s a tough call._

_Ren is going to head back with Evangeline in about a week and a half, apparently he has total faith in me not to mess everything up without him. We’ll see. (I promise I won’t) They were going to leave sooner but we’ve had word from Nesryn and Sartaq that they’ll be here in a weeks time and Evangeline was dying to stay and see them. I’m looking forward to it. It’s been too long since I saw them and honestly it will be nice having someone else in those meetings. They’re not the worst thing I suppose, Dorian agreeing with just about everything is making them much easier, but they’re endless and exhausting and I cannot wait until they’re over._

_Speaking of Dorian…I’m still surprised you passed up that opportunity back when he liked you. He’s so kind and thoughtful and ~~honestly so much more attractive than I’d ever imagined~~  turning into such a great friend. I have to thank you for sending we to do all this if only because of the friends I’ve made here. (the trust and faith in me is an honour too!)_

_Anyway, we’re all doing well, Nox, Ren, and Evangeline are enjoying it all for the most part and they’re happy with all that’s been agreed, I hope you will be too. Dorian, Chaol, and Yrene are all hoping to see you soon as well but you may want to put that off, I may have told them a few stories from when we were younger that they want to tease you about but I’ve got stories about them too which should make up for it._

_Let me know if anything interesting happens up there, I’m sure with our Court there must be plenty to tell me about and I need to know it all. I’ll keep you updated with everything that’s going on and send word if we need your input. It doesn’t look likely with how smoothly everything has been going but you never know._

_Hope you’re all having a rotten time without me, I know I’m the life and soul of our little group so you must be missing me desperately. Give my love to the others if you think they deserve it and I can’t wait to see you again soon._

_Love_

_(Y/N)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah we're doing dual POV on this thing. I know Dorian falling is pretty soon but my personal headcanon is that, like me, Dorian gets little crushes super easy but can't really get rid of this one. Also he knows a lot about her already and spent a load of time with her when she was healing after the war but she doesn't remember any of it.


	3. Read You Like A Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew reading could be such a good bonding exercise?

“Holy gods that feels amazing,” I groaned out as Yrene’s magic soothed the aching muscles in my leg, the tension washing out of my body on waves of relaxation. She looked up at me and smiled, pleased to be helping, before frowning as her magic probed further.

“This isn’t as good as I’d hoped it would be by now. You really need to remember to use the salve I gave you. Have you used it at all since you arrived?”

I averted my gaze guiltily. I hadn’t in fact used it once since leaving Orynth and probably hadn’t for about a week prior, too busy preparing for the journey. She could read all that easily on my face and fixed me with a look that could probably scare a Valg Prince into submission.

“(Y/N), you have  _got_  to take care of yourself. This is never going to heal properly if you don’t look after it when I’m not around.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll try and remember to do it more often.”

“I’m getting your maid to remind you every night, it’s the only way.” I sighed and rolled my eyes but she was probably right. “Oh, and no over-exerting yourself, especially once we start more therapy in a couple of days. Yes, that does mean no long evening walks with Dorian, you two will just have to find some other way to occupy yourselves.”

I tried not to show it but I felt myself deflate at that. Those walks had become my favourite part of the day. I could still spend time with Dorian I supposed, but it wouldn’t be the same. The gardens were peaceful in the evening and I found myself more relaxed than I had in a long while with nothing but Dorian and a light spring breeze for company. Again Yrene noticed and couldn’t suppress her smirk, she had become far too intuitive to my emotions.

“Alright, I’ll take it easy for a while.”

“Good. We can get started in a couple of days, Chaol said it’s practically back to back meetings until the Eyllwe royals arrive but that you’ll all have a lot more time after that. Trust me, you’re not going to want to be doing much between sessions.” I shuddered at the thought of what might be coming but it was a necessity if I was ever going to be rid of the last remnants of the war. “Relax, you’re undoing all my work worrying about it.”

“Sorry.”

“And stop worrying so much anyway, it’s not good for you or your recovery.” She sent a fresh wave of healing magic through me pulling the tension from all my muscles rather than just my leg.

“I’ll try, though it’s a bit difficult when I’m in charge of my Kingdom’s foreign affairs at the moment.”

“That’s understandable but you’re doing an amazing job, you really needn’t be concerned about messing up. Nox won’t let you and neither will Dorian or Chaol, they’re on your side in all this and they don’t plan on letting anything go wrong for you and Terrasen.” She smiled reassuringly and withdrew her magic, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder. “And neither do I.”

I felt myself welling up at her kindness and had to swallow a lump which had formed in my throat before I could choke out a soft “thank you”.

“Don’t mention it. You’re like a part of the family now and family looks out for each other.” The soft smile she’d been sporting spread into a mischievous smirk. “Another thing family does is tease each other about their love lives. So with that in mind, how’s everything going between you and Dorian?” I almost choked on air at the question and tried to fight down a blush at the knowing glint in her eye.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do. You forget I was there when you were out of it and you had no filter. You may have confessed some secrets to me, and guess who some of them involved?” Stomach dropping, I hid my face in my hands and peaked at her through my fingers.

“Oh gods, tell me no one else heard?”

“Don’t worry, no one heard most of it though I think you should know that you told Dorian he was pretty the first time you two met.”

“Please tell me I didn’t.”

“Unfortunately for you, you did. Dorian appreciated it though, he was unbearably smug about it actually.” Yrene herself looked pretty smug about it too.

“Well that’s got to be just about the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.” Before Yrene could reply, Dorian strolled in, his smirk making it evident he’d heard my last comment. I just hoped that was all he’d caught.

“Now  _that’s_  a story I’d love to hear.”

“Oh you already know it, better than she does actually.” I shot a betrayed glance at Yrene, feeling my cheeks heating up even more now that the star of said story was in the room.

“Ah so we’re talking about the time she ran around naked and shouting her undying love for me?”

“I may not remember most of what happened but I _know_ I didn’t do that,” I said around a laugh. “Aelin would have never let me hear the end of it.”

“That’s true. I assume you’re talking about her calling me pretty when we’d only just met then?” Yrene nodded. “That’s not embarrassing, in fact it’s a rather common occurrence. You get used to it when you’re as pretty as I am.” He winked and flashed us both a charming smile as we rolled our eyes.

“Pretty damned full of yourself maybe.” I muttered under my breath, as Yrene made a similar comment. Playing along, Dorian clutched a hand to his heart dramatically.

“Such cruel words from such lovely ladies, however shall I survive the wounds you inflict?”

“Drama Queen,” Yrene teased.

“I am not! Tell her (Y/N).”

“I’m with Yrene, you have a rather large flair for the dramatic.”

“Not you too!” He groaned in mock despair, “I thought we bonded, how could you betray me like this?”

“You call that bonding? Yrene saved my life and nursed me back to health, you’re going to have to do something spectacular to top that and get me taking your side.”

“Well it looks like I have some catching up to do.”

“Good luck with that.” Yrene fixed him with a challenging glare, clearly not ready to lose my favouritism yet. This little battle was going to be most enjoyable.

“I don’t need luck. Bonding starts now, (Y/N), you ready to go?” I blinked at him in surprise.

“Go? Go where?”

“It’s 5:30, thought you might like a walk in the gardens like normal.”

“No. She’s not allowed until I’m done with her leg so no walks for a while.” She smiled a deadly sweet smile at him. “I know that’s your bonding time…how unfortunate…Are you sure you don’t need some of that luck?” He scowled back at her but reached for my hand to help me to my feet anyway.

“You underestimate me Yrene. Come on (Y/N), I have another idea. You like reading, right?”

“How ever did you know? It’s not like I’ve ever spent an hour gushing about books with you.” I somehow managed to keep a teasing tone despite my internal freak out that he kept ahold of my hand and mentally congratulated myself on that achievement.

“No, that’s never happened, I must just have excellent intuition.”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s it.” I rolled my eyes. He was _still_  holding my hand!

“Glad you agree.” He smiled and pulled me towards the door, calling out behind us, “See you at dinner Yrene!”

“Bye!” I added with a little wave, “and thank you!” A quick goodbye from Yrene followed us out of the room and I giggled as Dorian continued to pull me down the hall, a determined look on his face.

“What’s the rush for?” I asked, for Dorian had yet to slow his pace and I was struggling to keep up.

“What? Oh, sorry, sorry!” He slowed to a more regular pace and I smiled my thanks. “That better? I didn’t realise I was walking so quickly.”

“It’s fine, I just don’t think Yrene will be pleased if I mess up my leg right after she told me to take it easy. She’s scary when she wants to be.” I felt Dorian’s shudder through our clasped hands.

“She certainly is.”

We arrived at the library and only then did Dorian seem to realise he’d been holding my hand the entire journey. He stuttered out a surprised apology and I could have sworn I saw a light blush spread across his cheeks as he pulled his hand away and pushed open the library door. I silently mourned the loss of the comforting warmth from his hand in mine. It had felt so natural to have them slotted together like that. It felt right. As if it was a basic fact of existence that they were meant to be together. …Maybe that was a little excessive. But those weren’t the kind of thoughts I was meant to be allowing myself though so really it didn’t matter. At all. My heart certainly wasn’t leaping at the thought that maybe this was meant to be something more all along. Well maybe it was but my head remained in control…for now at least.

“So, I was thinking,” Dorian’s voice brought me well and truly back to the moment, “with all the meetings and dinners and everything going on, I’ve had almost no time at all to just relax with a book and I doubt you have either.”

“You’re right there.”

“Which is an absolute travesty, and since I treasure our time together I thought what better way to solve this little problem than by reading together? I’m a genius, am I not?”

“Not far off I suppose, I see one flaw though if your plan was ‘bonding’.”

“And what might that be?” He raised an eyebrow, which seriously, how does he do that?, and I flopped down onto one of the plush couches in the centre of the room.

“Reading is usually a solitary activity, we can’t bond just sitting in silence.”

“And that, my dear, is why I’m going to read to you. You can make all the delightful sarcastic comments you like and keep me entertained while I read.”

“Does that mean I’m allowed to make fun of your horrible romance novels then?” I couldn’t keep the grin off my face at the thought of that.

“They’re not horrible,” he said with a scowl, “but yes, just this once you can say whatever mean and untrue things you wish about them.”

“Excellent! Get reading then pretty boy.” I smirked as he rolled his eyes and wandered off to find some suitable reading material.

2 hours later I was woken by a gentle shaking and the searing heat of Dorian’s hand on my shoulder. I blinked at the dim light of the room, unable to recall the afternoon light fading into the darkness of another evening.

“And finally she wakes. Gods, (Y/N), you sleep like the dead.”

“Wha-? When did I…fall asleep?”

“About ten minutes after I started reading. I’m disappointed, you only managed two snarky remarks before you drifted off, am I really that boring to listen to?” In my state of only semi-wakefulness I didn’t register the joking in his words and quickly tried to stutter out an apology.

“No-no, sorry. You’re not…boring, you’re- you’re actually very pleasant to listen to. I just- Yrene’s healing tired me out a bit…I think…maybe… But you’re not boring, I promise. I like listening to you, you have a,” a yawn interrupted me and I let my eyes stay shut as I shifted to get more comfortable on the couch, “really nice voice, very soothing.” It took a few seconds in the silence that followed for my mind to realise what my mouth had just decided to say without permission of my rational thought. When it finally registered my whole body tensed and i could barely bring myself to crack open an eye and gauge Dorian’s reaction.  _Why did you say that!? That’s weird! ‘A really nice voice’? (Y/N) why would you say that!?_  Well at least that finally woke me up fully.

….Actually, that was not a good thing. Being totally aware brought to my attention just exactly what position I was in, pulled into hyper-focus how close Dorian was to me and everywhere his body touched mine. Legs draped across his, sides practically pressed together, a hand still resting on my shoulder and the fingers of the other brushing lightly against my own on the couch. His face and that heart-stopping grin were way too close, mere inches away from me and the ridiculous notion that it would be so easy to just lean up and kiss him flitted about in my otherwise currently empty mind. That was a dangerous and ill-advised thought and I tried desperately to push it out but with Dorian so close it was impossible to do so entirely.

“Dorian! (Y/N)! Are you in here? Are you sure they haven’t left for dinner yet, Yrene?.”

“Of course they’re still here, you think either one of them would willingly leave the library unless there was some kind of emergency?” Yrene and Chaol’s voices broke our silence before Dorian could say anything and we quickly moved a little apart before they rounded the last book case and spotted us.

“What did I tell you? They’re predictable.” Yrene had a triumphant glint in her eye as she addressed her husband before turning back to us with a raised eyebrow. “Are you coming?”

“Of course!” I quickly stood and walked towards the couple, jumping on the excuse to get out of such close proximity to Dorian before I did something foolish.

Together the four of us made our way to dinner and with every step I felt calmer and less inclined to act on any of the impulsive thoughts i’d been struggling more and more to control. The closeness to Dorian was always easier to bare around the others and I sent up a thank you to the gods I knew listened no longer for their presence. That had been too close in the library. Too. Close. I had a sense that my emotions were only going to get more difficult from here on and that instilled in me both dread and a strange excitement. Gods, why did I have to go and fall in love?

* * *

_Dear Aelin,_

_Oh things are getting too good! I mean, slightly unbearable for the rest of us because they’re both oblivious and also refuse to do anything about it, but still good. Dorian even told Chaol he likes her but he’s worried so that’s something we’re going to have to deal with and (Y/N) all but admitted it to me today. And…gods, they think they’re subtle, they think no one notices the way they can barely keep their eyes off each other, how they go out of their way to spend time with each other, how they’re so obviously happier when they’re together. It’s so frustrating but obviously no one really wants to pressure them into anything so we’ll see how it all plays out (we’re not going to stop meddling when we can though!)._

_Although, saying that, I’m not sure we need to meddle much. Chaol and I walked in on the cutest scene in the library earlier, (Y/N) and Dorian were pretty much cuddling while she slept (my fault, healing takes it out of you) and gods you should have seen the way Dorian looked at her, it was so gentle and loving and I swear if they don’t get it together and get together I might have to smack them both. Anyway, she woke up and I’m sure I literally saw Dorian ascend because he found her so cute but we all really needed to get to dinner so we had to interrupt. Honestly if we’d left them long enough I think they seriously might have given up and just kissed but alas the timing was terrible. It’s going to happen though, I’m sure of it._

_I’m rambling too much about them but my point is we definitely did a good thing, they’re perfect for each other, Even Nesryn and Sartaq have said so and they’ve not even been here a week. They say hi by the way!_

_Oh and you’ll be happy to know (If (Y/N) hasn’t already told you), you’ve got yourself a nice little trade deal and it’s worked out well for you as far as I can tell (I’ll admit I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to the more boring matters)._

_I hope Ren and Evangeline got back okay, tell them we miss them and we miss all of you too, I’ll keep you updated with the Dorian/(Y/N) situation when anything good happens but I doubt they’ll be anything for a while as I’m finally going to fix up her leg properly. Still, with them you never know! Everyone sends their love and hopes you’re still well._

_Love,_

_Yrene_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing stuff with Yrene in it so I may be doing more of that if it works.


	4. Late Night Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tired late night conversations are the fastest way to spill your tragic backstory and make a man fall more in love with you.

Dorian could not stop thinking about the almost-kiss. He was quiet through dinner, replaying the moment over and over and imagining what might have happened if Yrene and Chaol hadn't interrupted. In some respects he was relieved they had, he’d promised himself he wasn’t going to let anything happen between them after all, but he did really, _really_ want to kiss her. That impulse hadn’t quite worn off either and having (Y/N) sat so close was torturous. Curse his heart, why did he have to fall in love as easily as he once fell asleep?

The memory continued to plague him long into the night and he found himself laying wide awake in the small hours unable to think of anything else. Every time he closed his eyes the peaceful image of her sleeping face floated behind his eyelids, the feel of her body resting lightly against him pressed deep into his skin, the electricity that had charged the air between their lips flooded his veins and everything about him somehow became _her._ It was maddening but at the same time he never wanted it to stop.

Resigning himself to the fact that sleep was going to continue evading him tonight, Dorian groaned and pulled himself out of bed, throwing on some clothes and a cloak and heading out to wander the castle. He leisurely traversed the near silent halls, letting his mind wander where it pleased, less afraid of what it might think up while he was alone and a sleepy hush filled the very air he breathed. His thoughts, unsurprisingly, centred mostly around (Y/N) as they had since she’d arrived, only now he was willing to admit to himself what that meant. That moment in the library had sealed his fate and all the paper-thin walls he’d built to try and stop himself risking his heart again had been burned to ash.

He was pulled suddenly from his thoughts when he caught sight of their subject sitting alone on a bench in the courtyard he was passing. She hadn’t noticed him so for a moment he just watched her, took note of the way the moonlight made her glow, the way the stars had found a new home in her sad eyes, how she clung to her drawn up legs the way a child might to their mother. He wasn’t sure if that last one was from a need for comfort or to fight the slight chill in the air since she was only wearing a thin robe over her just as thin nightgown. From the somber, far-off look in her eyes he decided it was probably the former.

Taking a step into the courtyard, Dorian cleared his throat and the girl flicked her gaze to him in surprise, instantly brightening at her new companion. Dorian tried to ignore what that reaction did to his traitorous heart but couldn’t stop his small smile as he walked over and took a seat beside her.

“Hi.” She spoke softly as if unwilling to shatter the peace of the night.

“Can’t sleep either?”

“No, I slept for a bit but staying awake seems to be the safer option tonight.” Oh.

“You get nightmares?”

“Sometimes, mostly it’s just my own memories haunting me. ...I’m not scared to relive it all, I know how it ends, but...when I dream of it I can feel everything I felt then...the not knowing if I’d live or die. Awake I know it’s fine but asleep I know nothing and it’s terrifying.” She didn’t look at him as she spoke, almost as if she couldn’t bare to, but Dorian could tell she was holding back tears. A wave of sorrow washed through him at the fresh reminder of just how damaged the war had left them all and he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and comfort her. He couldn’t do the first part but he could attempt the second if he could only figure out how.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Are you sure you want to know what happened?” She looked at him then, her eyes serious, and he knew whatever she told him was going to be hard to hear. He almost said no, the cowardly part of him didn’t want to have to face the reality of what she’d endured. But he couldn’t do that, what had happened was part of who she was and Dorian wanted to know all of her, if she could trust him with this raw piece of herself then he owed it to both of them to hear it.

“Yes.” He breathed out and the word seemed to say so much more than it was ever designed to. She was silent for a few moments before she slowly uncurled herself to sit normally, her hands braced on the bench beside her and feet planted firmly on the floor as if she needed to ground herself. Fixing her gaze somewhere in the distance again she took a deep breath and let the words come tumbling from her mouth.

Dorian listened in mournful silence as she described the night Adarlan’s troops had attacked her home, her father fighting in vain to give her and her mother a chance to escape, the pain she’d felt when, as just a child, she’d had to split from her mother for safety’s sake. She told him about the threat and fear which had followed her south during her treacherous journey to Rifthold - the last place she wanted to be but her safest option, how for the longest time she’d felt so scared and alone in a world she’d felt she no longer had a place in, a right to be in. She’d had no idea the fates that had befallen her friends and family but no time to truly grieve the losses she knew there had been as she was forced to learn how to survive in the worst of places.

“For so long I thought everyone must have been killed, that I was lucky enough to survive purely for being so unknown to most outside of Terrasen, I never dreamed that I’d see anyone I cared for again… But then one day I was walking through the market and I saw Aelin. I thought I must have been dreaming, my best friend had lived. We cried and talked and she told me about how she was being trained as an assassin and we promised to look out for each other in the city. That was the day I finally had some hope again.” She smiled wistfully and paused her tale for a moment, thinking about how much she felt she owed to Aelin, Dorian assumed.

“So anyway, I managed to find work helping a seamstress who gave me somewhere warm to stay and eventually learned to make clothes myself. Aelin would come see me whenever she could and taught me how to fight, I was surprisingly good at it and she said I could probably be a great assassin myself. I chose not to of course and life went on. We grew up, we moved on as much as we could, just two girls who’d lost everything and only had each other left. ...It felt like a knife to the heart when she was taken to Endovier.”

Everything seemed to still at the mention of that dreadful place and Dorian was brought back to the moment when he’d first met Aelin, a version of her that was all but ruined by a year in the mines. He’d hated that without even knowing her, it was was hard to imagine just how awful that news must have been for (Y/N) who had lost everything else and then had to lose the last bit of home she had left to the brutality of that camp, knowing the horror her best friend would have to endure.

“But then she was back. I didn’t get to see her for a while but just knowing she was alive and in the city was enough. Of course, you know everything that happened for a while after that, life went on as normal for me and I only ever heard whispers of everything that happened in the castle, even Aelin never told me much the few times I saw her. I almost left the city when the Valg started to become a problem but I found out Aedion was here and I knew I couldn’t.

“So even as everything fell apart around me, I stayed. Aelin told me that she’d assumed I’d had the sense to leave so didn’t bother trying to find me after you defeated the King and so I just carried on as normal until the Witches sacked the city. I barely made it out with my life and once again found myself all alone, with no home, stuck in the wilderness after having my life turned upside down. It was like it was all borrowed time and I was being returned to my rightful place...like the world was telling me to just give up.”

Dorian’s heart broke for her, she’d lost everything not once, but twice, before the war even really started but she’d still fought for a world that had done her and those she loved so much wrong, continued to hope when all seemed hopeless and no one would have blamed her for giving up. Her will to go on and refusal to accept the hand fate seemed intent on dealing her, standing defiant in the face of the gods and the wills of the world, was incredible and Dorian didn’t think he’d ever been more in awe of someone than he was of her.

“But I was stronger than that,” she continued. “I wasn’t the scared, broken little girl I’d been last time. I was tired of the world taking everything from me and I vowed I would never let it happen again. I was going to fight for the future I wanted and I’d either get it or I’d die trying.

“It was a logical assumption that Aelin would gather her forces in Terrasen and Erawan would strike there sometime so I made the journey north and got to go home for the first time in 10 years.”

Tears started to form in her eyes as she recalled her homecoming, seeing friends and family she didn’t know had survived for the first time in years, her devastation at seeing the destruction Adarlan had brought to the once great cities of Terrasan, and the hollowness she’d felt at how empty and devoid of life everywhere had felt. It had only got worse as winter fell and Morath began attacking.

“I never could have imagined just how terrible war is. I spent days, weeks at a time running on minimal sleep, pushing myself past the point of exhaustion in that freezing wasteland, watching friends I’d only just made fall beside me over and over... You get used to watching people die but it never stops being painful, every new body in the mud and snow ripped away a little piece of me and every time I rested I had to try and stitch those pieces back together and hope it was enough.

“I got hurt, not bad but enough that there was no way I’d stand a chance fighting for a few weeks, so Aedion forced me to go back to Orynth. Being there, where I was mostly safe, was almost worse than being on the front lines, at least there I was doing something. Waiting for news, not knowing who lived and died and unable to do anything about it was a new form of torture I wasn’t prepared for. The day our army returned felt like the beginning of our end. Doom was on the horizon and there seemed to be no hope left. And then, too soon that doom was on us.”

The memory of what came next was particularly painful and (Y/N) had to take a minute to prepare to tell it. Dorian noticed her distress and reached out to hold her hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing gently to give her something to ground herself with and silently lend her support. She looked down at their joined hands and then up to meet his gaze which had never strayed from her throughout her story, giving him a small, thankful smile before turning her eyes to the floor and picking up where she’d paused, voice quieter than before.

“The siege seemed to last forever, everyday more of us fell and supplies dwindled, there seemed to be no end to the Morath troops. It got to the point where I accepted my coming death, I think a lot of us did, but none of us were willing to stop fighting, however few we could take out gave everyone else less to fight, it would give others a chance. I didn’t want to die, really I didn’t, but I knew I was going to, I knew we all would if no one came to our aid. Hope for the rest of you to do what we couldn’t was all that kept me fighting. I wanted a better world even if my life was the price of it...

“Everyday was the same awful routine until you all turned up. You brought us a hope we didn’t think existed anymore. In that final battle I was on the ground, I refused to be anywhere but the front lines, fighting with my people for my kingdom and our world. I knew I’d have hated myself if I hid away like Darrow wanted me to.” He felt her shudder through their joined hands, clearly remembering a bit too vividly that final bloody battle. In a small attempt to comfort her, Dorian started rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

“Too many Valg soldiers attacked me at once, they’d singled me out as one of the leaders and wanted to weaken the line. I’m a good fighter but not good enough to hold that many off forever. I couldn’t block or attack them all at once and I got too injured to fight anymore. They must have assumed I’d bleed out eventually and left me to die near the river. I was in a lucky spot really because it was days before anyone found me when it was all over. Without that river for water or the bodies to help keep me warm and their shredded clothes to stop most of the bleeding I would have died a lot sooner. If they’d found me much later I would have died anyway.

“I suppose you know the rest better than I do. I was on the verge of death when they brought me to Yrene and there was so much damage and infection that it took even her days to really heal me and weeks for me to be even close to recovered. I’ve been told it was bad and I’m glad I don’t remember it. It’s a miracle I survived, I never expected to in those days I spent stuck on the battlefield, but I’m happy I did. It was awful but I’d do all of it again for the chance to end up here.”

Silence enveloped them for a while after that, (Y/N) had nothing more to add and Dorian just needed time to process all she’d revealed. He’d known fragments before and had seen enough of her while she’d been healing to guess at what happened but he’d never managed to truly understand until now. Everyone had suffered so much in the war, all in different ways and to varying degrees, but he didn’t know their stories like he now knew hers, didn’t now feel all their pain and loss as his own like he felt (Y/N)’s. She said she’d do it all again if she had to but Dorian couldn’t help wishing she’d never had to in the first place, that someone else, him even, could have done it for her.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a few minutes silence, unsure of what else he could.

“For what?” She turned to look up at him. “It’s not your fault any of this happened, you’ve been through hell too. Don’t go feeling responsible for what others have done.”

“I know, it’s just hard not to feel guilty seeing all I have when it was my kingdom and my father who played the biggest part in it. No one should have had to suffer so much, least of all you.” She frowned at him and gripped his hand tighter as she held his gaze with a fierce determination in her eyes.

“You’re not your father and you can shape your kingdom into something better. You need to stop punishing yourself for things in the past that you had nothing to do with and focus on making this place better than it’s history. We learn from what’s happened and we grow, it’s a piece of your past and it may not be a piece you like or want to remember but it’s an important piece that’s made you who you are. I didn’t tell you my story because I wanted pity, I told you because it’s what makes me who I am and I want you to know me, all of me. There are times when I wish things were different but I wouldn’t be me without going through what I did and neither with you. We all love this you so don’t beat yourself up about the things that happened to bring you here.”

Dorian couldn’t help the few tears that escaped his eyes at that, it wasn’t the first time someone had said something similar but somehow coming from (Y/N) - who would have every reason to hate him for what his family did, who had lost and lost and lost again, who had not long ago been an almost stranger - he finally believed it. Finally felt that maybe he could stop blaming himself, that him being happy wasn’t an insult to everyone whose lives had been destroyed, that he deserved to be able to move on. He couldn’t thank fate enough for bringing this girl into his life and finally letting him feel truly free.

“Thank you.” His voice was barely even a whisper but she heard anyway and the smile she gave him on top of her words made him feel lighter than air.

“You don’t ever need to thank me Dorian.” She yawned and stretched, the action causing him to realise just how tired he too had become thanks to their rather emotional conversation. “I’m going to try and get some sleep, you should too.” She paused, thinking about her next words carefully. “...Thank you...for listening, I haven’t told anyone some of that but it’s nice to have it in the open.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Good night, Dorian.” She pressed a feather-light kiss to his cheek before standing with a smile and walking back inside. He might have over-analysed what that meant if he hadn’t seen her do the same to their friends on multiple occasions, he still might have anyway but no one would ever need to know that.

“Good night, (Y/N),” he whispered as he watched her leave.

The night returned to its former stillness and it was almost as if (Y/N) had never been there. He wondered if it had all been an elaborate dream or an apparition but the slight warmth on his cheek and hand reminded him it was real. This wasn’t how he’d expected his night to end but it was how he’d needed it to without knowing. (Y/N)’s company had calmed his mind and he finally felt like he could sleep, the fact that she could do so with such ease was a strange realisation but one that he received fondly. He fell asleep quickly after finally returning to bed, a smile on his face and a warmth in his chest he’d never speak of to anyone else. He was beyond thankful to have met her.

* * *

_Dear Aelin,_

 

_I’m writing this in the middle of the night because I just have to get this out now or I might not be able to bring myself to say it. I think I might be falling for Dorian. That’s not good is it? That shouldn’t be happening, I shouldn’t be letting it happen. I always knew he was attractive and suspected he was a great person at heart even before I knew anything about him other than his public face but he’s an even kinder, more caring and thoughtful person than I’d ever imagined or you’d suggested. I know you know I had a crush on him all that time living in Rifthold even if you were nice enough not to bring it up, until you knew him better yourself at least, but I thought it had passed, I thought I’d be fine coming to stay here. You could have warned me it would be really easy to fall for him!_

_It’s alright though, I promise I’m not letting it get in the way of anything and I’m not going to do anything about it so you don’t have to worry. I mean it’s not as though he feels the same way anyway. Maybe it would help if I spent less time with him but that’s a bit difficult now we’ve become such good friends and I really enjoy his company, I don’t want to lose the friendship just because my heart decided to do something ridiculous. Why is this so hard? Was falling for Rowan this difficult for you? Honestly, I don’t know why I’m asking, I probably won’t even send you this letter, I just needed to write it down. It almost feels like actually talking to you and that’s always helped._

_In case I do end up sending this, you’re probably wondering what exactly brought this on. Well I had trouble with sleep tonight so I went outside to clear my head and then sort of spilled my whole tragic past to Dorian and he was really sweet and calming and I realised that it just feels right being around him. I usually don’t like telling people as you know but for some reason I wanted him to know and to be honest that scares me a bit. Oh and I almost kissed him earlier so all this feels a lot like a crisis and I needed to just tell someone before I actually do something stupid._

_The King and Queen of Eyllwe will be here in a day so everyone will be busy with them, hopefully that will give me some breathing room to figure out the mess my emotions have got caught up in. There’s a welcome ball though so probably not._

_I’ve got so much more to tell you but I still haven’t decided if i’m sending you this letter or not so I’ll put that in a different one. For now that’s all I suppose._

 

_Love,_

 

_(Y/N)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. So yeah I know this is pretty heavy in backstory but I wanted to get it all out there and have Dorian caught up in-universe. They gotta bond okay and everyone's a lil broken after the war so what better way to bond than sharing your tragic backstory?


	5. Dance Around Your Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a ball, they dance, they drink, Dorian gets very affectionate

As I got dressed the morning the Eyllwe royals were to arrive I could feel the unsent letter taunting me from my desk drawer.  _ Coward, _ it seemed to say, and it was probably right. I’d had two days in which I could have sent it but I was too scared to admit the things in that letter to myself let alone anyone else. I especially couldn’t tell Aelin, she’d make me do something about it and I just...couldn’t. It was one thing to acknowledge the growing affection and attraction I had, truthfully there was no way I could deny it, it was quite another to tell someone else. I wished I’d never written the damned thing. I’d made it much more serious than it now seemed in the light of day and my tired, over-emotional mind had obviously romanticised everything more than usual. No one was ever seeing that letter.

Forcing all thoughts of it out of my mind I headed down to breakfast. It wasn’t to be the usual leisurely affair as the newest visitors to Rifthold would be here in only an hour. I was, typically, the last to arrive and the second I sat down a plate was placed in front of me. Conversation still flowed easily, and I was proud of myself for not being too distracted by Dorian to join in, but it was cut short by a messenger announcing that the royals had reached the city and would be here in 15 minutes. Silence fell as we rushed to finish eating before making our way to the grand hall to await the guests.

My heart was thumping wildly in my chest as we waited, I’d never met the King and Queen, though I’d met their daughter briefly once thanks to Aelin, and had no idea what to expect. I knew what I was getting with Dorian and I knew Nesryn well enough that I wasn’t worried when her and Sartaq arrived but this was so much more terrifying. 

“Relax, they're lovely people, you have nothing to worry about.” Dorian's whisper did a surprising amount to calm my nerves and I finally relaxed a little only seconds before the doors opened and the King and Queen of Eyllwe entered the room. The nerves were back in an instant. 

Myself and all the non royals in the room gave simultaneous, respectful bows as they reached us and I was glad I didn't need to speak because there was no way I'd be able to string together a sentence in their presence just then. I'd have to eventually, there was business to be done, but not yet, I needed time to prepare.

It was only a quick introductory meeting and soon they were being escorted away to receive a tour of the castle. I felt myself relax the moment they were gone and from the looks Dorian and Nox gave me it must have been very visible. Dorian hadn't been lying when he said the King and Queen were nice but they were so regal and wise compared to all of us, especially to young new rulers of all our kingdoms. They were intimidating to me in a way that Aelin, Dorian, and Sartaq just couldn't be.

“So now that's done, anyone want to join me for a ride?” Dorian asked casually, as if two of the most powerful and important people on the continent hadn't walked out of the room mere seconds before. Several acceptances were voiced and I looked to Yrene who raised a brow and shook her head. Apparently I wasn't allowed to go. I wasn't surprised since she'd said no long walks and this was several steps above, but it was still disappointing.

So as the others headed to change and meet at the stables I made my way to the library and settled down for a morning of reading. It turned into a whole day, only interrupted briefly by lunch. I had to be practically dragged from the room to prepare for the evening ball.

 

I was startled when I crossed the room to stand before the full-length mirror a couple of hours later. My maids really knew what they were doing with hair and makeup and- the  _ dress. _ They'd really outdone themselves making this for me. I'd never owned something this perfect. It wasn't anything overly showy or extravagant but the cut flattered my shape, the colour looked beautiful against my skin, and the design aesthetic was just so  _ me _ I couldn't believe anyone could know me well enough to create anything like it. I had to blink back tears of gratitude or risk ruining the makeup they'd worked so hard on.

“This is incredible, thank you.”

“It's our pleasure dear, now go on and enjoy yourself.” One of my maids - Elsie - patted my shoulder and opened the door for me, waving me off with a smile.

The ball was already in full swing when I arrived and I hesitated in the doorway before entering. A sea of colours twisted and mingled before me as ladies were spun around the room, joy lighting their faces. I swept my gaze across the room and located Nox leaning against the wall on the far side of the dance floor. 

“Hi,” I said when I reached him.

“(Y/N) h-wow! You look nice. Dorian's going to  _ love _ all this.” He looked me up and down with a grin and I rolled my eyes, shoving him playfully.

“Shut up.” I was blushing though and that was only going to encourage him. “You're a terrible friend sometimes.”

“On the contrary, I'm a great friend. Friends push each other to find their happiness and that's what I'm doing. You'll thank me one day.”

“I doubt that very much.” He brushed off my comment and looked around the room for...something.

“Oh, look who it is.” Nox was looking smugly over my shoulder and I followed his gaze to see Dorian glance over from where he stood with Chaol and Nesryn who both looked just as smug as Nox. I didn't like where this was going. Dorian's eyes slid over me briefly and I thought I'd been saved but they quickly flicked back to me and widened as he took in my appearance. Nox called him over, glee in his voice. I  _ really _ didn't like where this was going. I knew the worst that could happen was a dance and conversation, nothing awkward, but with my letter of confession still occupying my mind I knew I might not be myself and I knew he'd notice.

“Look who finally arrived.” I elbowed Nox as discreetly as I could for that.

“For (Y/N) I'd say this is early, are you feeling okay my dear?”

“Oh har har, you're so funny Dorian.” Well at least I was doing an alright job acting normal so far.

“I know.” He winked. “Care for a dance?” And how was I supposed to say no? I took his hand and he led me out to join the rest of the dancing couples, unaware that my stomach was doing acrobatics and my heart was trying to beat right out of my chest. I was glad Dorian was a great lead because there was no way I could concentrate on the steps when everything around me seemed to become him. His hands holding me close, closer than the usual respectful distance I noted, were all I could feel, his eyes all I could see, his voice drowning out the music as he spoke.

“You look beautiful tonight.” It was accompanied by a smile which did funny things to my already racing heart. I stumbled a little, cheeks flaming as the compliment caught me off-guard and Dorian adjusted his grip to help me recover which only made my deteriorated ability to function worse. At least I could pass that off as being out of practice.

“Uh thanks. You look very nice yourself.” 

“You sound like you don't believe me.” He frowned a little as he continued spinning me around the room.

“I've just never really thought that was the right word to describe me. My maids did an incredible job tonight though, they really put a lot of effort in, especially with this dress…” I trailed off and looked down at it again, I really, truly, adored the dress and my maids and the seamstress for making it.

“Beautiful is just one of many words I could use to describe you, I've always thought so. You look incredible tonight though. ...Would it surprise you to know I had a hand in designing that dress?”

“Now that you mention it, no. Thank you, I really love it.”

“And I'm fairly certain every man in this room loves you in it.” I'd relaxed enough into the familiarity of his company by now to pull of a convincing smirk as I asked,

“ _ Every _ man?” To my delight his cheeks flushed a little but he was as calm and charming as ever as he replied.

“Yes.  _ Every  _ man.” 

We stopped talking until the song ended and I moved to pull away and join the group of my friends standing not far away. Dorian however didn't let go and asked for another dance.

“Shouldn't you dance with someone else now? I can't steal all your time.” It wasn't just that. Being somewhat alone and so close to him was really starting to get to me.

“Nonsense, you're not keeping me from anyone, I'd already danced with most of the ladies before you even arrived. My time is all yours.” Well there wasn't much I could do to argue that so I agreed to another dance, completely oblivious to the fact that the musicians were about to start playing a slow, romantic number and all the couples now dancing were married or courting. Us dancing together  _ clearly _ wasn't going to imply  _ anything _ to everyone here now was it?

However, much as I didn't want to admit it, I did enjoy dancing with him, gossipers and implications be damned. It felt comfortable and right, like it was something we'd done a thousand times before and would a thousand times in the future. It was the same feeling I'd got holding his hand as he pulled me down the halls to the library just days ago. By now I knew exactly what that meant but I still stubbornly refused to think about it and instead focused my thoughts in the moment and on trying to decide the exact shade of the blue of Dorian’s eyes. 

When the song finally ended I felt happier than I had in a long time and honestly wouldn't have objected to spending the whole night dancing with Dorian. That would say too much though so I left his hold and joined the others. I quickly found myself regretting that somewhat as they all gave me knowing smiles and I could sense nothing good was coming for me. They didn't say anything though so that was a small mercy but something in Yrene's eyes told me, at least with her, that wasn't going to last forever.

I danced and talked and drank the night away with everyone else, all of us enjoying the time to relax and indulge, and before I knew it it was two in the morning. Nesryn and I helped a slightly worse-for-wear Nox back to his room before heading off for bed ourselves and bumping into a stumbling Dorian and a flushed Sartaq being led by Chaol. They brightened comically when they saw us.

“(Y/N)!”

“Nes!” 

They shouted simultaneously and we had to hold back a laugh as we shushed them. The last thing we needed was a commotion drawing attention to two  _ very _ drunk rulers.

“Mind giving me a hand with these two?” Chaol all but pleaded as he grabbed the two to stop them stumbling into opposite walls.

“Of course.” We quickly headed to their free sides and slid an arm each over our shoulders, Chaol helping them both from the middle.

Slowly we made our way through the castle, heading for Nesryn and Sartaq's rooms first. 

“Oh thank the gods we're here, you're so heavy when you're like this.” Nesryn let out a sigh of relief and opened the door with only a little difficulty under the weight of her fiancé.

“I'll help you get him into bed. (Y/N), are you alright with Dorian for a minute?” I wanted to say no, beg Chaol not to leave us alone for Dorian appeared to be very affectionate and cuddly when drunk and I really thought I might die if left with the full, unfiltered force of that. But Sartaq needed more help so I nodded and got ready to support more of Dorian's weight, my hand gripping his waist tightly to keep him balanced as Chaol slipped out from under his arm and disappeared inside with Nesryn.

To my surprise, his weight didn't change much at all and he'd clearly been leaning on me much more than Chaol. Little shit. He looked over to me with a goofy smile and opened his mouth, ready to say something before I cut him off.

“Don't speak Dorian, you're drunk and you'll say something you regret.”

“Someone's bossy,” he smirked, “and I never regret anything.”

“I'm sure you regret some things.”

“Nooo, you told me everything that happens is what made me...me and that you loved me as I am. Sooo, no regrets!” He grinned and I felt my heart flutter, his words bringing back memories of our talk the other night. At least his drunken self had taken that to heart.

“I did say that but that doesn't mean you can't regret things. For example I regret eating 6 bags of sweets when I was 6 and spending the night being sick, and you'll regret something stupid you say when you're this drunk.”

“Hmm, I'll take the risk.” Of course he would. I rolled my eyes.

“Just, be quiet, Chaol will be back in a minute. He can carry you to bed and then we can all be entertained by your inevitable hangover in the morning.”

“I think  _ you  _ should carry me to bed.”

“You know very well I can't do that. And even if I could, Yrene would have my head for it, she's already mad at me for dancing so much and making my leg worse.” That seemed to sober Dorian up for a moment and he stopped leaning on me, instead giving me a look of concern.

“Oh gods, have I made it worse? I'm sorry.” He lit up with an idea I knew would be terrible. “ _ I  _ should carry  _ you _ to bed! Come here, I'm going to help!”

“Dorian no.” I stepped away as he attempted to pick me up and grabbed his shoulders to steady him as he stumbled a little. “That is an awful idea. You're not trying to carry me in this state.” I looked at the door where Chaol, Nesryn, and Sartaq had disappeared into and wondered how long they'd be. I really needed to get Dorian to bed.

“Alright come here, I'm taking you to bed.” I swung his arm back over my shoulders and held onto his waist, gently guiding him forward. He wasn't such a deadweight this time which I was beyond thankful for. Dorian had decided to get talkative and even more affectionate now though and I decided this was definitely worse.

“You have really pretty eyes, have I ever told you that?” He asked and I could see him gazing at them from the corner of my eye. This was going to get embarrassing  _ fast _ .

“You haven't but thank you.”

“And you have pretty hair, it always smells nice too.” That one really caught me off-guard and I nearly dropped him.

“Dorian, what did I say about saying things you'll regret?”

“But I won't regret this and I want to tell you.”

“Well that's very sweet of you, I'll be sure to remind you of all this in the morning and we'll see how much you regret it then.” The drinks I myself had drunk were doing wonders for keeping me collected right now, I just hoped the effects lasted until I left Dorian. “Look we're nearly there, just a little further and you can get to sleeping all this off. Why'd you drink so much anyway?”

Dorian was quiet for a minute and I thought he wouldn't answer but finally said in a small voice, “I was sad.” He didn't elaborate and I was more than a little confused. He'd seemed as joyful as ever the entire evening but maybe he was just much better at faking it than I'd ever realised.

“Are you still sad?” I asked tentatively. I didn't want to push him but he was one of my closest friends and regardless of how awkward my feelings for him could make me feel in his company, I wanted to be there for him. He thought for a minute, cocking his head and frowning in a way that was far too adorable.

“No. Not right now. Now I've got you!” He grinned and his mood shifted back to cheerful and drunkenly flirty so fast I almost got whiplash. Thankfully we'd reached his door so I wouldn't have to endure it for long. 

I opened it as quickly as I could and dragged Dorian to his bed, trying my best to ignore the way he was nuzzling his face into my neck. It was making my heart race and breathing difficult and I could only pray he didn't notice and wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. I for one was planning on locking this all away deep down and hopefully forgetting it for the sake of my sanity. As gently as I could, I pushed Dorian down to sit on his bed.

“Do you need any more help or can you get your jacket and shoes off yourself?” I wasn't undressing him any further than that no matter how much I might enjoy the sight. In fact  _ because  _ of how much I might enjoy it. He attempted to unbutton his jacket himself but only managed one before giving up. As efficiently and calmly as possible I took over and removed it for him before crouching down to undo and take off his shoes, swinging his legs up onto the bed as I stood.

Dorian was already drifting off to sleep and I squeezed his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't be suffering too much in the morning. As I turned to leave, intending to find Chaol and send him here, Dorian grabbed my hand and I looked back at him.

“Thank you for helping me,” he mumbled, “you're a really great friend.” And there it was.  _ Friend. _ Conclusive enough proof that my own feelings were ridiculous and I'd read too much into things. I'd somewhat expected it. I mean why would he ever think of me as anything more than that? Especially with both our positions. But it still stung a bit to hear. I smiled at him and told him it was no trouble, pulling my hand from his grasp and walking across the room. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe, having heard it from him, I could finally let my feelings fade away.

“I love you.”

Or maybe not. The whispered words had come from Dorian's bed and I froze in shock, unsure if they had been real or not. I hurried from the room, trying to distance myself from the possible confession, but the words haunted every step and, try as I might, could not be pushed from my mind.

I didn't know what he meant, what he felt, how I felt about what he might have meant. I didn't know anything but that those words, spoken or imagined, had just made everything so much harder even if they'd also left a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart. Oh this, this was not good.

* * *

_ Dear Aelin, _

 

_ So the King and Queen of Eyllwe arrived today and they're incredible. They're so lovely, if a little intimidating, and they asked us to thank you for all you did and for being a friend to Nehemia while she was in Rifthold all those years ago. (Y/N)’s a little nervous around them but she'll be alright by the time they have to do business. _

_ I know I only wrote a couple of days ago but we had the welcome ball today and it was so lovely, one of the nicest parties I've ever been to anyway. I never realised how fun they were until now and I want a reason to celebrate like that every week. Anyway, and this is the important bit, (Y/N) and Dorian ended up dancing to the most romantic song I have  _ ever _ heard in my life. It was like married couple, after lovers, after married couple out there and then them. It got a fair bit of gossip going. Maybe it wouldn't have been so much if they also didn't  _ look _ like they were so obviously in love. I mean seriously? How are they both still so oblivious? _

_ Nox, Dorian, and Sartaq got drunk which was as funny as you can imagine and they all had to be helped to bed. Now I'm not saying anything but (Y/N) looked rather happy after she'd helped Dorian to bed. Maybe someone's drunk mind slipped out a little confession? Here's hoping. _

_ Anyway that's all. Honestly I wish you were here and could see all this yourself because it really is very cute and would definitely be a lot more fun than me just telling you everything that happens. But we'll make do for now. Write soon, and give all our love to everyone like usual. _

 

_ Love, _

 

_ Yrene _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted drunk Dorian okay? and at the moment i want them both being a bit more genuine with their feelings to each other and because of reasons that's only happening when they're not fully in control of their words and actions. I just really love sweet dopey affection.


	6. Road To Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian is a very good friend who is very in love and very very willing to help (Y/N) in her recovery.

Dorian awoke to what felt like his head being split open on a stone floor. He was still half-dressed from the previous day and for a moment couldn't recall exactly why. Squinting against the light which seemed far too bright for the early morning, he stumbled out of bed and to his adjoining bathroom, splashing cold water on his face which woke him up enough for the memory of the previous night to return to him.

He recalled the moment he first caught sight of (Y/N) and how beautiful she'd looked, how she'd felt in his arms as they danced. Then how, as he'd watched her dance with one of his Lords, his gut had clenched painfully and he'd wanted nothing more than to drag her away and keep her all to himself for the evening. He remembered drinking to try and rid himself of that feeling and drinking more when that didn't work. After his fifth glass things started to get a little hazy.

He remembered Sartaq drinking too much alongside him and Chaol trying to get them both to take it easy. Struggling back to his room, being left with only (Y/N) to help him to bed - what he now suspected to be a deliberate ploy by Chaol to get them alone, the warmth where he'd briefly held her hand before she left, words he couldn't recall leaving his mouth without a thou-  _ oh no. _ No. He remembered them now.

Hopefully (Y/N) didn't hear. The last thing he wanted was to ruin their friendship with his carelessness. Then again, nothing had changed after the almost kiss in the library, maybe they'd be alright. 

With a sigh he set about bathing and getting dressed, noting that the water had already started to cool. He had clearly overslept but hopefully the others wouldn't have finished breakfast without him. The chatter that greeted him as he approached the dining room was a relief. It wasn't too late then.

Everyone stopped eating and looked up when he entered and it felt for a moment as though he weren't himself but rather (Y/N) as he noted their little role reversal. Speaking of (Y/N), her and Nesryn were looking up at him with identical grins which promised nothing but trouble. Chaol and Yrene were also clearly entertained by his arrival though were doing a much better job of hiding it. He took his usual seat beside (Y/N) and started filling his plate with food, desperate for anything to make him feel less like he was dying.

“Good night, was it?” Hollin asked from his position across the table. He heard a couple of stifled laughs and was seriously rethinking his decision to have Hollin join them at mealtimes.

“Isn't any night you don't remember in the morning a good one?” He replied with forced nonchalance.

“I wouldn't know, you still won't let me drink more than a glass. Something tells me you remember last night anyway though.”

“Hollin, you're twelve, you're lucky to get that much.” He rolled his eyes at his brother and started eating.

“I know, I know.” With that he retreated back into his usual silence.

“So how much  _ do _ you remember?” Yrene asked. Having finished eating she set all her focus on him and he felt the strong urge to run away. “Oh this is for you, it should help with the hangover.” She slid a steaming glass of...something to him and he took it gratefully. It looked strange but he'd take anything if it might help.

“Thank you. I remember most of the night to be honest, the end of it is a little hazy though.”

“So do you not remember proposing to Chaol?” He almost choked on the piece of bread he'd just put in his mouth and everyone at the table fell into fits of giggles. “I'll take it that's a no then.”

“I hope you said yes.” He turned to Chaol with a raised brow.

“Of course I did.”

“Good. Sorry Yrene, I'm stealing your husband.”

“I give you something to end your suffering and this is how you thank me? Fine, I'm marrying (Y/N) and neither of you are invited to our wedding.”

“It'll be a great wedding too,” (Y/N) spoke for the first time beside him, “I'm thinking spring in Terrasen, how does that sound?”

“Perfect.” The two girls grinned at each other across the table and Dorian was struck by how much they all felt like a family now.

“Am I forgetting anything else important or is that it? Because the worst thing being a proposal to my best friend doesn't sound too bad.” With unnerving synchronicity every pair of eyes slid over to (Y/N) and he hoped and prayed that he didn't do anything more than say  _ I love you.  _ Yrene spoke up after a few moments of vaguely uncomfortable silence.

“Well, we hear you said a  _ lot  _ of potentially embarrassing things to (Y/N). Fortunately for you though she won't tell us much of it.”

“There was nothing of great interest. I didn't realise you were such a  _ cuddly _ drunk though. After hearing about your marriage proposal, I'm beginning to wonder if you thought I was Chaol the whole time.” Once again they were all laughing at his expense but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd done nothing too embarrassing last night and that was enough for him.

“Well that's not so bad.” He said.

“No, it's not. (Y/N) got off lightly. I had to deal with endless flirting from Sartaq and then an hour of him crying about how much he loves me. It would have been cute if it wasn't 3 in the morning.” That would explain why Nesryn looked so exhausted and Sartaq's absence. The empty seat where Nox usually sat remained a mystery though.

“I take it we won’t be seeing him until dinner then?”

“You’ll be lucky if he even makes it to that.”

“Don’t expect to see Nox either,” (Y/N) added. “He is  _ not _ in a good way this morning.”

“Well, judging by all this, last night was a success.” Dorian finished his breakfast and took a sip of the drink Yrene had given him, wincing at the somewhat unpleasant taste.

“The King and Queen enjoyed it so I'm inclined to agree with you,” (Y/N) agreed. “But maybe next time quit the wine while you can still get back to your own room, I'm not sure most emissaries you latch yourself onto will be as accommodating as me.”

“I think you underestimate my charm.”

“Do I?” She smirked and gods, it was too early for Dorian's heart to be dealing with that sight. This girl was seriously going to be bad for his health. Normally he'd have some probably too flirtatious comeback ready to defend himself with  but not today. Today all he could do was stare. Judging by the looks of his friends and the drawn-out pause they could tell something was up. He couldn't thank his long-gone gods enough for his hangover to explain it away. 

After a few moments of silence Yrene pushed back her chair and stood.

“(Y/N), are you ready to get started then?” The subject change was jarring but he quickly realised she was obviously talking about healing (Y/N)’s leg.

“As I'll ever be. I'm really not looking forward to this.” She too stood and together they left the dining room. Dorian silently hoped it wouldn't be too painful for her and once again cursed the war for all the suffering it inflicted. Even a year later it was still causing fresh pain and he was tired of it taking things from the ones he loved.

 

A week and a half into the King and Queen of Eyllwe’s visit Dorian found himself completely distracted in a trade meeting. It was an important one as they were finalising the details and would be signing it by the day's end but he was struggling to pay any attention to the things being discussed. He was, unsurprisingly, thinking about (Y/N) and how much he wished he was with her than in this meeting.

He and (Y/N) had continued their usual routine of spending a couple of hours together before dinner even if she couldn't leave her bed sometimes and this meeting was eating into that time. Needless to say he was getting a little agitated. Luckily Chaol noticed and was more than willing to handle it and get it wrapped up as quickly as possible. Sometimes it was annoying Chaol could read him so well but today he was thankful for it.

20 minutes and a few signatures layer Dorian was finally free. He headed straight for (Y/N)’s rooms and flopped down onto the plush armchair he'd dragged over to her bed a few days ago after being let in by the maid.

“Rough meeting?” It was said around a yawn and Dorian looked over to see (Y/N) blinking sleepily at him. 

“It wasn't bad as meetings go, just tedious. You know how it is.” She huffed out a little noise of affirmation.

“Well at least it's done now, it'll be my turn soon I suppose.” She sighed.

“Is Yrene nearly done then?”

“Yes, she said one more session in a day or two should do it. I can't wait not to be so exhausted all the time again.” As if on cue she let out a big yawn and allowed her eyes to flutter shut. She was far too cute like that and for a while Dorian just watched her, knowing she was probably too tired for any real conversation. 

A lock of hair fell across her face as she shifted slightly and his fingers itched to brush it back, maybe linger on her cheek or tangle in the soft strands. In truth his whole body felt the urge to wrap itself around her and just stay like that forever. These were dangerous thoughts, Dorian knew, but alone like this, with her so peaceful beside him, he wasn't afraid of them.

As the quiet wore on, he assumed she'd fallen asleep and let himself relax and doze as well. With eyes closed he didn't notice hers crack open and watch him with thinly-veiled longing.

“You're cute when you're asleep.” It was said more to herself than to him but he was instantly alert again. “Not that you aren't normally, gods you're so cute. Do you even realise that? Do you know how unfair it is?” 

He got the feeling he shouldn't be hearing this but wasn't sure if it was better to let her think he hadn't heard or to stop her before she said something in her sleepy state that she'd regret. How the tables had turned. 

“I'm so glad I met you.” If the softness in her voice made his heart ache as much as it did, he was lucky not to be able to see how she looked at him as she said it. “Maybe if things were different...I wish…” Her whispered, unfinished thoughts trailed off into a melancholy sigh and Dorian was left wondering what they were about, if maybe she could feel the same as he did, and, if so, if either of them would ever take the chance.

He felt a soft set of fingers entwine with his own on the bed and had to try to conceal the surprised hitch in his breath. It's not as if he'd never held her hand before but it had never been this tender or, dare he say, loving. Then she went and started lightly tracing circles onto his skin with her thumb and that small action ignited something in his heart he hadn't known existed until then. If Dorian hadn't been completely gone for this girl before, he sure was now. Her breath evened out as she really did fall asleep this time and it wasn't long before Dorian did as well. 

 

(Y/N) clutched his arm tighter as she stumbled for the 10th time in half as many minutes. It was their second day trying to get her leg to relearn how to walk and she was doing better than could be expected even if the slow progress was clearly getting on her nerves. The fact that she was able to walk even a little just five days after Yrene had finished her healing was impressive but not enough for (Y/N) and she let out a little huff of annoyance as Dorian helped her back to the couch to take a break.

“This is going to take forever,” she sighed and leaned against his side.

“No it won't. You're doing great already. I bet you'll be able to kick my ass within a week.”

“I think your confidence in me is misplaced.”

“And I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You're pretty incredible really.” Dorian turned his head to look at her and caught sight of the blush dusting her cheeks before she ducked her head and hid her burning face behind her hair. He smiled at her flustered state but moved on before she could get too awkward.

“So how's it feeling? Easier than yesterday? Still painful or getting better?”

“It doesn't feel any easier,” she mumbled, clearly a bit irritated by that fact, “and it hurts. A lot. It feels like there’s knives stabbing into it every time i put any weight on it and it’s like it’s not part of me somehow, I can’t make it do what I want and I hate it.” She ran a hand through her hair and flopped back on the couch in frustration. 

“It’s alright, you don’t have to get better immediately, in fact I’d be concerned if you did. Healing takes time, you know that as well as I do, so don’t rush yourself.”

“I know, gods do I know...It’s just...this feels like the last hurdle, like after I’m better I can finally move on from everything and it’s been...so long...I just want it to be over.” Dorian pulled her into a side hug and she instinctively leaned her head on his shoulder - something he’d admit he took great pleasure in.

“I understand that. You’ve just got to keep trying, you’ll get there eventually. Remember you have all the time in the world now, don’t stress about it.”

“I’ll try, you make it seem a lot easier somehow. You’re a very good motivator.” She grinned at him and he returned it unthinkingly.

“Well I’m glad to be of service. You ready for another go?”

“I guess so, practice makes perfect right?”

“Indeed it does.” They stood once more and Dorian once again supported her as she tried to get her newly healed leg to cooperate.

For the next week they passed every afternoon the same way until (Y/N) could finally walk unaided once more. Then they passed another week going on runs and rides between endless strings of meetings. Just three weeks after her intense healing she was completely back to normal.

“How're you feeling?” Dorian asked as they entered the castle training room after a run about the grounds. (Y/N) was panting slightly, the sweat dripping down her face and neck making her skin glisten temptingly.

“Good. No pain, my stamina is almost back to where it used to be, and everything feels normal.” She smiled as she began stretching and Dorian made sure to face away from her as he began his own stretches - experience had taught him that that sight wasn't good for him in any way.

“That’s great, I told you you'd be as good as new in no time.”

“Actually you said I'd be able to kick your ass within a week. We've taken twice as long but I bet I could now.”

“Is that a challenge my dear?” He turned to her, eyebrow raised, and she looked up at him from where she'd bent over, touching her toes to stretch out her legs.

“It's a promise.” The challenging glint in her eye before she winked and resumed her stretches gave him no choice but to accept. He was  worried about it being too soon for that but at this point he'd do pretty much whatever she asked of him and if that meant her showing him up while they sparred then so be it. He had no idea what he'd got himself into. But then again, neither did she.

* * *

_ Dear Aelin, _

 

_ My leg is healed! Gods it feels amazing to be able to use it like normal again. I feel like me again and I’m so happy. I’m going to start sparring again soon so we’ll see if I’ve lost my touch but I’ve got a good feeling about it. I bet I could still even hold my own against you, we’ll have to do a bit of training together when I get back.  _

_ So anyway, business. Trade agreements with Eyllwe are done and I think you’ll be happy with the result. Between you and me I think they were more reasonable with us than Adarlan because they feel indebted to you somehow, they really appreciate you being such a good friend to Nehemia I think. I suppose it won’t be long until everything is wrapped up now. We’ve got more discussions about getting aid there to have and the emissaries from Fenharrow and Melisande are arriving soon so if all goes well it’ll only be another few weeks before I come home. I’m sure everyone misses me so they’ll be thrilled to hear it. I can’t wait to see you all again either, I’ve been away for so long.  _

_ How are they anyway? You were far too vague last time you wrote. I need details Aelin! I miss the madness of Orynth and I refuse to be behind on the gossip when I get back. Oh and has Ansel arrived yet? Send her my love if she has, it’s been far too long since I last saw her and we really need to catch up. There’s not a whole lot more to say at the moment, I’ve been spending most of my time working on recovery. Dorian and everyone else have been an amazing help with that actually and while all of you up there are my closest family and the closest to my heart, I feel like I’ve found another family with everyone down here now. It’ll be sad to say goodbye to them but I’ll just have to get you to send me on any Adarlan business in the future so I can see them again. I may work for you but I’m very good at getting what I want so you  _ will _ let me go on those trips. _

_ I’ll write again soon with more news but until then make sure no one stops missing me and don’t be too happy until I’m back. (Kidding, I hope you’re all having a great time) _

 

_ Love  _

 

_ (Y/N) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this took a while longer than it was meant to but I've been kept unbelievably busy with work and uni interviews and prep so I've just had no time to write for the last few weeks. Also my motivation for this story has been at an all-time low so that didn't help. Don't worry I'm still gonna finish it but there's only a few more parts left and they may take a while because I've got a lot of other stuff to get done. Anyway thanks for being patient with this update and continuing to read and enjoy. If you have any suggestions for then next part let me know because I got only minimal ideas for the next bit but after that I know what's going on. So if there's anything you want to see then now's your time to ask. xx


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